I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
