There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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