i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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