absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
