I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize