I'm eating all of the evidence.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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