I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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