i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
