life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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