I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
