we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
