Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
