You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
