he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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