Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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