Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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