The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
