So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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