I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
