Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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