i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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