Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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