No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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