You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
