Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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