And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
