just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
