If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
