at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
