At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
