I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
