Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am available for nakedness
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
