We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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