worst night to have a conscience
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
