Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
