I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
