I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
