Kiss
Puke
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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