Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
