I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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