Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
