It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I looked at my own cervix.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
