If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
