I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize