I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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