what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
tell your sister to shave her snatch
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
