put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
