I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
