WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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