my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
