That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
