So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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