woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
