I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you inspire me to be a worse person
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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