$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I look better un-naked...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
