I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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