he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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