GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize