That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
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I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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