His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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