found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
