margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
