I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize