Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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