He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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